So my wife is very upset that I bought my first gun (.357 ruger). She is extremely afraid of it and can't sleep. She will not let me keep it in the bedroom. I just wanted to get some suggestions as to how/where to maintain the gun so that it is 1) safe enough so noone can steal it if I'm not home yet 2) accessable enough that I can grab it quickly if I hear an intruder come into the house.

Is a gun safe a good idea? I have one of those wire locks on it but it seems pretty inefficient.

Get one of the keypad gun safes designed to hold a handgun. They are made specifically for this purpose.

Jim,
There are several quick access finger safes available from both Midway and Midsouth Shooters supply.

More important - You need to work on getting your best friend past the fear. It is always best to start a new shooter off with a .22LR. Avoid recoil and muzzle blast. If this is not practical then use wad cutters or better yet the Speer plastic ammunition that is primer powered. You can shoot these into a box in the garage. Familiarity is the only answer to her fear.
The next few steps you take will make the difference between nothing but problems and the development of a real shooting partner.
Remember the muzzle blast issue. Never start a new shooter off with magnum ammunition. The firearm itself is strange, a public shooting range will not help your situation. The quiet privacy of your backyard or garage with low noise plastic ammuntion helps overcome these first lessons.
She may never come around and enjoy shooting but you can counter the fear. It is worth the effort.

If you think she's mad now, just buy 2 or 3 more :)

Seriously, take her shooting. .38 wadcutter loads. Earmuffs, safety glasses, etc. Betcha she loves it.

Quick access safe is a good idea. Don't want some punk in the neighborhood busting a window and stealing it.

She's got a real honest-to-goodness phobia, and you need to help her get over it.

Keep it where you want it. Can't sleep because of an inanimate chunk of steel? BS, 5 or 6 nights and that problem will solve itself. This is a control issue. Do you want to be controlled for the rest of your marriage?

For peace and harmony (and a long lasting marriage), do as William and Mike have suggested. Get the gun safe now and arrange to take her to the range at the first opportunity with a rimfire handgun or very moderate practice loads in the .357. She'll love it once the hits start showing up on the target.

Having taught both youths and adults in firearms safety, I know how easily the mind sets can be changed. Some of the older gals would arrive with arms crossed and a stony gaze. By the end of the instruction course they were the most avid shooters. Do yourself and your wife a big favor and get her involved!

It's been my experience that we fellas will aggrevate the wife/girl friend no matter what we do or don't do. So I count it as a positive when I aggrevate the lady and actually know what I did.
I just point out to the lady that subsection 37, paragraph 95, clause 259784 of the marriage contract clearly states "This clause aknowledges that the male/husband will PO, anger, irritate, aggrevate, and otherwise go about life being a male, the female/wife." Clause 259785 says clearly "That in case female/wife is not present the male/husband will PO, anger, irritate, aggrevate, and otherwise go about life being a male, any female in close proxiemity"!
Jim

In the event of divorce you will not believe how much she will love and want the gun just to keep you from having it. I almost lost a Harley that way.

Far as safe & legal storage is concerned, check to see if local authorities have defied minimum storage requirements. The gun store where you bought it should have leads. Here in North Carolina you would have been given a flyer notifying you of the legal requirement to store it so it is not accessible to children. Far as the wife is concerned, you're pretty much on your own.

Her fears are unfounded. She needs to be educated that the "evil" gun will not kill the two of you while you sleep. Sounds like getting her to the range may be quite a challenge. You were right when you said you bought your "first" gun, best to get this solved now as there are plenty more on the way for you I'll guarantee.

I would suggest attending an NRA personal protection and Home Firearm Safety class with your wife she will be taught about many types of firearms and safe handling of the arms.. We also have the attendee shoot at the range to get used to the shooting a little. (it is not a marksmanship course). Sometimes it is better to let someone else do the teaching and you go thru the training together.. You can check the NRA website for instructor in your area. Or I would be glad to help you find someone.

I'll agree with most of the advice given here. Get her involved and show her that firearms are tools, not evil inanimate objects. Most things worth having take a bit of work, that's a good thing to keep in mind at this stage. Beyond that, you can apply my personal theory as applied to trivial matters...."she'll get over it" If she doesn't, and I don't endorse divorce in any way, you might be better off just getting rid of her provided you don't have any children in the house.

Thought I'd add my $.02 here...

Of the women I've encountered who were afraid of their husband's/boyfriend's guns, much of their fear was based on the man's level of experience with it. As you get confident she will too, once she understands your attitude about it.

My girlfriend had no exposure to guns at all before she met me, but after having her handle them somewhat, it made a big difference. Her ex had one, but never fired it and she said that made her more uncomfortable than the ones I have because she knows I use them a lot.

The only time she balks is when she knows I'm looking at getting another one. In that case, I just open her closet and start counting how many shoes she has... :eek:

Rational fears are hard enough to deal with...irrational ones are worse. Worst case...you can keep you new handgun at your new apartment....best case, you demonstrate level headedness (no dry fire at the political candidates on TV) and a mature attitude and keep it whereever you two agree is best.

Remind her it's like air-bags or a spare tire...you hope not to need either, but they are mightly handy when the need does arrise.

Take her to see a few movies that have home invading types terrorizing home owners. Then when all seems hopeless say something like, "If they had a 357 the problem would be solved by now." Of course if that was to happen the movie would be cut really short. I'm at a loss for a movie title right now but I have seen a bunch like that.

I am fortunate that my wife had no fear of firearms, and in fact enjoyed shooting from the get go. But then we met in a law enforcement class at college. I believe you must not only involve her but educate her and for starters do get her in a class as a strict safety matter. If you have a firearm in the house she needs to know when and how to handle it safely. If she is that adverse a class may save what may otherwise be a real bone of contention if you try to teach her yourself. Frankly getting her in a class may be the first step in helping her discover a whole new world of sports and self defense.

There's an article in this months American Handgunner (I think?) about the two professors that got killed up in New Hampshire. I see it as a very convincing story for the gun-shy...

Move out. Full-time women are nothing but trouble anyway.

jimyata
Remind her that this is a free country and a man doesn't need a woman's permission to do anything!!
Please grow a pair!

jimyata
Remind her that this is a free country and a man doesn't need a woman's permission to do anything!!
Please grow a pair!

Easy, there....

Let's remember that there is an opportunity to turn a gun-hater into someone more appreciative of firearms ownership. And it may not be easy, either.

Thanks Mike!

We need to steady the boat....

The advice to get with an NRA sponcered trasining program is probably the best advice.

Whether its guns or stamp collecting everyone is going to go through something similar.

A good wife is better than any gun I have, Not that you shoudn't have both.

The advice to get with an NRA sponcered trasining program is probably the best advice.
.


Well I suppose so. Women ARE capable of learning, just not from their husbands. :)

But I still say keep the gun and get a different woman.

A good wife is better than any gun I have, Not that you shoudn't have both.

Aussie

I've been thru two wives, tried a few others on for size, given the choice I'll take the guns. Guns I had to work at getting the money to buy them, then expend the time and money to tune and test them, the take the time and effort to learn how to shoot them well.
You do all that with a woman and she'll change the rules or change the game.
When it's all said and done, the guns are still with me and the ladies are blessidly absent.
Jim

PS Was she holding that gun to your head when you wrote that?

No she wasn't.

Aussie, I think Jim's matrimonial experiences are near the bottom of the list of fun things in his life.... so don't take offense!!!!

A good wife is tough to find, and a bad one is expensive to get rid of, at least in this country.

:)

Heres a program that might help

http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/problem_detail.asp?PhobiaID=1717&SDID=1674

A fear of weapons is a sign of retarted sexual and emotional maturity "Sigmund Freud"

Riflemen10x

My kids have been exposed to firearms since they were born, now they barely even notice them. It's just a matter of indoctrination, and the gentler, the better. Try to get her to handle it, see how it works, understand how to work it, "someday you may need to, to save your own life."
Better yet, get the Paxton Quigley book, "Armed & Female". She used to be anti-gun, but got a clue after a friend was attacked.

Above all, be patient. She doesn't want to be afraid of it, but somewhere she heard that GUNS ARE EVIL. It's up to you to show her the truth.

PJ

Working on converting a full growed nurse type of woman, been in the hospitals and has seen a few people chewed up by bullets so that is a longer project. However, when the kids came home for the first time from school with that 'deer in the headlights look' and telling me that they learned that guns were bad, I straight away took them outside with a 22 long gun. Set up a target bout the size of a barn door and they were tickled pink that they could shoot a 3ft group their first outing. I even shot a few strays to let them see that they were almost as good as me. So now it is fun for them to try and out shoot dad. Brats are getting close!! It can all be fun and I think it should be started out that way. The second amendment , protection and whatnot can be brought in later.

Quick update - after a few days of fear - she has come to grips with it being in the house - she doesn't want to see it nor does she want to talk about its existence, but she is calmer about the whole thing. I took the advice of many here and bought a gun safe with a lock and tamper alarm on it - I think that helped alot (that and the fact that she told her friend about the gun looking for sympathy and her friend responded "My husband has 2 handguns and 3 rifles")

Quick update - after a few days of fear - she has come to grips with it being in the house - she doesn't want to see it nor does she want to talk about its existence, but she is calmer about the whole thing. I took the advice of many here and bought a gun safe with a lock and tamper alarm on it - I think that helped alot (that and the fact that she told her friend about the gun looking for sympathy and her friend responded "My husband has 2 handguns and 3 rifles")

Hey, that's good news, it will be a slow project, but worthwhile in the end.

Ought to have her call my wife for sympathy, she'd get some sort of response like "Well, you're lucky he's only got ONE!!!"

Heck my wife even GAVE me a gun....

Now that I have the one gun - I've suddenly got an itch to get a semi-auto (maybe in 40 caliber).

If you able to talk her into to going, like others have posted, I would try to get her to go to the range with you and get her to shoot it. Don't force her to do it, but after firing a few rounds and you explaining how to safely handle the firearm, she might come around a bit more.

Then she could see that guns are not "evil" and can be responsibly enjoyed and utilized. Most fear what they do not understand.

I would tell you where my wife would like to put many of the guns I buy, but this is a family board :(

I would tell you where my wife would like to put many of the guns I buy, but this is a family board :(

My second wife wanted to name my firearms and reloading equipment as co-respondents in the divorce.

Jim

Glad to see she is a little more at ease with the gun now as this will be 1 of many, if your like most of use. Gun fever is a sickness but a good sickness and a great many of use have it. Enjoy your new found love and your wife will be ok with it. Happy shooting

Jim,

As you have demonstrated, the virtues of patience, understanding, self discipline, compassion and respect will produce positive results unlike the traits of bullheadedness, stubborness, etc.

In addition to the good advice that some of the posters have given, and you have taken, you might want to check out the following websites for some positive information that you can share with your spouse.

Paxton Quigley disliked firearms early on and then discovered the their true benefits. She wrote the book "Armed and Female" and in it she gives several true stories on how firearms were used by females to save their lives.

http://www.paxtonquigley.com

The organization "Women and Guns" has a lot of good information as well.

http://www.womenshooters.com


The "Second Amendment Sisters" is another resource of positive firearms info.

http://2asisters.org

Sincerely,
John

This is Aussiecolector's wife here.

Do you really want to know why a good wife is better than any gun?

Firstly, a good wife LOVES her husband with her mind, her soul and her body!

And if that's not enough, a good wife supports her husband in the things that he enjoys, like guns.

A good wife uplifts her hubby when he's down, and makes him feel like the most important person in the world, because, to her, he is the most important person in the world. We are told in the bible to love only God above our husbands.

I can tell you, in the above context, Aussiecolector has a good wife. I love him, adore him, admire him, respect him and think he's the sexiest man alive and my love for him is constantly growing.

So, to any of you who think that a gun can make you happier than a good wife, maybe you need to make wiser choices with women and maybe you need to learn how to really love a woman for all she's worth.

Lisa-Jayne.

Nice to have you here, Lisa-Jayne. Don't be a stranger, stop in anytime!

Well said, Lisa-Jayne!

Welcome to the forum, and as Mike says - don't be a stranger.

When i bought my first gun my wife too was also terrified of it and didnt want it anywhere near my house. I made a deal with her that i would keep it out of her sight, locked up, and not use it around her. Anyways, time went on and i picked up more and more guns and one day she wanted to come to the range with me. Wasnt sure why, but i was all for it. She came and sat in the truck most of the day, but she really seemed interested in my 10/22 that i had. Everytime i brought it out to shoot she would ask, "is that the quiet one" and i would say yes and she would stand there and watch me shoot. I didnt want to push her into shooting anything, so i never realyl asked her to try...well this went on for a few weeks and one day she actually asked me to try it out. I loaded her up ten rounds of 22lr in the magazine and she hit a soda can nearly every time at 25 yards...i was impressed and i think she was hooked! Now a few years later shes shooting my bigger rifles(30-06, 30-30, 7.62x39) and shes even shot my .44 Mag with near full power loads...the expression on her face after the first shot was unforgetable! Just give it time and she will come around.

She sounds like she needs counselling to me... Tell her to get over it and that's that.

I suppose a new wife is out of the question. Since my wife tolerates guns, (she is ok with them, but doesn't shoot them much...would rather spend money on the family etc) I can't really compare our situations. I do have several that she doesn't know about... They all look the same (except for the mod 25-4 S&W Arms for the Nation 45 acp she bought me...
its the only stainless handgun I own.) I'm not a good at politics and dealing/understanding women, but I would try to coax her over to our side, take her to the range, etc. Include her, find other shooters who have wives that shoot, etc.
It Might help?????

Get a new wife ! If this one doesn't want to protest herself and her familly then get a new Wife ! Life is short enough ! JAGG

Another thought,

My wife would never kill anything or anybody for any reason, so I talked her in to loading our .38 special with rat shot. After shooting it some, she liked it, and the general concept!

At 10 feet, I don't think it would kill anyone but in the general groin area, they would wish they were dead.

Anyway, my wife bought into it, and now we have a loaded pistol by the bed.

I guess, we're defensive and not offensive. By the way, only the first two cylinders are rat shot. The rest are for real
Good Luck

This is Aussiecolector's wife here.

Do you really want to know why a good wife is better than any gun?

Firstly, a good wife LOVES her husband with her mind, her soul and her body!

And if that's not enough, a good wife supports her husband in the things that he enjoys, like guns.

A good wife uplifts her hubby when he's down, and makes him feel like the most important person in the world, because, to her, he is the most important person in the world. We are told in the bible to love only God above our husbands.

I can tell you, in the above context, Aussiecolector has a good wife. I love him, adore him, admire him, respect him and think he's the sexiest man alive and my love for him is constantly growing.

So, to any of you who think that a gun can make you happier than a good wife, maybe you need to make wiser choices with women and maybe you need to learn how to really love a woman for all she's worth.

Lisa-Jayne.

Whew! Sure is hot in here-

Another thought,

My wife would never kill anything or anybody for any reason, so I talked her in to loading our .38 special with rat shot. After shooting it some, she liked it, and the general concept!

At 10 feet, I don't think it would kill anyone but in the general groin area, they would wish they were dead.

Anyway, my wife bought into it, and now we have a loaded pistol by the bed.

I guess, we're defensive and not offensive. By the way, only the first two cylinders are rat shot. The rest are for real
Good Luck

Anything in your bedroom worth shooting with rat shot is worth shooting with something "for real". I hope if you ever need it you will have time to get to the third cylinder.:(

I have carefully avoided this problem by using my wives as trade-ins when buying new guns. This way I eventually end up with both a new gun and a new wife.

Sounds like a heck of a deal, Wagner - how do you manage it? :D