mcassill
07-19-2001, 09:02 AM
I've come up with a little guide to help people from the rest of the world understand Arkansas culture.
1. *Family trees do not fork down there. *At all. *If you meet someone there whose family tree does fork, they are from out of state and have not yet assimilated into the local ways.
2. *"Higher Education" refers to schooling past the Third grade. *They do have an actual university, but it is only for those whose family tree still forks.
3. *"Open Range Hogs" refers to the favored way of raising pigs. *If it looks like "Babe" it probably belongs to somebody and you should not hunt it.
4. *A "varmint rifle" is something they keep handy when expecting visitors from the Federal Guvmint.
5. *No, Bill Klinton did not sleep with every woman in Arkansas. *It only seems that way.
6. *Yes, teeth are in short supply. *Brushing and flossing are for those sissy boys in other parts of the country.
7. *They have signs along I-30 outside Hope proclaiming it the birthplace of Bill Klinton. *Yes, those are bullet holes in them. *Appear to be from 5.56 FMJ. *Do not stand too close to those signs, as someone may come back for more target practice.
8. *When the locals speak of "paying the mortgage", they are referring to their account with the taxidermist.
9. *It is considered quite normal to store major appliances on the front porch. *Some of them may even still work.
10. *It is typical for a front lawn to have 10-20 junk cars on blocks. *Do not confuse this with a salvage yard. *A salvage yard will have a sign out front proclaiming it as such.
1. *Family trees do not fork down there. *At all. *If you meet someone there whose family tree does fork, they are from out of state and have not yet assimilated into the local ways.
2. *"Higher Education" refers to schooling past the Third grade. *They do have an actual university, but it is only for those whose family tree still forks.
3. *"Open Range Hogs" refers to the favored way of raising pigs. *If it looks like "Babe" it probably belongs to somebody and you should not hunt it.
4. *A "varmint rifle" is something they keep handy when expecting visitors from the Federal Guvmint.
5. *No, Bill Klinton did not sleep with every woman in Arkansas. *It only seems that way.
6. *Yes, teeth are in short supply. *Brushing and flossing are for those sissy boys in other parts of the country.
7. *They have signs along I-30 outside Hope proclaiming it the birthplace of Bill Klinton. *Yes, those are bullet holes in them. *Appear to be from 5.56 FMJ. *Do not stand too close to those signs, as someone may come back for more target practice.
8. *When the locals speak of "paying the mortgage", they are referring to their account with the taxidermist.
9. *It is considered quite normal to store major appliances on the front porch. *Some of them may even still work.
10. *It is typical for a front lawn to have 10-20 junk cars on blocks. *Do not confuse this with a salvage yard. *A salvage yard will have a sign out front proclaiming it as such.