http://www.dailytoreador.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/11/11/437431b28eaa0


MARTIN: A shotgun raffle beats a shotgun wedding
Polo Club raffle makes Lubbock look bad, DT's prairie dog coverage not helping

By Jeremy Martin/Opinions Editor

November 11, 2005

Before I get a bunch of letters from all you NRA members calling me a limp-wristed gun-hating mama's boy, let me assure you that: 1) My wrists are quite firm and manly, 2) I have fired a gun before and 3) My mother has said on several occasions that she never really wanted to have me.

Most importantly though, let me re-emphasize - I have, indeed, fired a gun before. Let me tell you about what kind of rugged, trigger-happy Texan I am. I was sitting in my girlfriend's father's living room one day, and I noticed a small rifle leaning up against the door frame.

Drawing upon all the gun expertise I've accumulated as opinions editor for a college newspaper, I immediately decided to go pick the gun up and start messing with it.

Remember that anti-marijuana commercial where the stoner guy picks up a handgun and, because weed apparently clouds your judgment as to whether things die when you blow a big hole in them, decides to shoot his friend at point blank range?

Oh how I used to laugh at that commercial. There's no way, I thought, that any amount of marijuana could make you so stupid you'd forget your friend wasn't bulletproof. I don't laugh at that commercial anymore, because what I did with the gun next, I did completely clean and sober.

I was playing with the rifle, and in my defense, I thought it was a BB gun, and I decided to pull the hammer back. It clicked and I thought: "Oh crap, I probably don't want to leave the gun like this." What if it fell over and shot a BB at the TV screen? It probably wasn't loaded, but it might have made a scary popping noise when the hammer came down.

The only way I could figure out to get the hammer back down would be to pull the trigger, and fortunately (probably because I pass on grass), I was at least not brain dead enough to pull the trigger indoors. I'm sure you know where this story is going.

I took the gun out on the back porch and squeezed the trigger. The world exploded, and by that I mean I heard a scary popping noise and a little bit of smoke came out of the barrel. Apparently the rifle was a .22.

Fortunately the bullet went harmlessly into the grass in a neighbor's backyard. Or it may have killed someone's dog, or maybe a sunbathing grandmother. I don't know. I immediately ran inside and spent the next 45 minutes huddled in a closet crying like "Sex in the City" got taken off the air again.

Anyway, I did fire a rifle one time so I'm not writing this column out of gun-bashing ignorance here. That's right, for those of you still reading - I'm about to actually start the column now.

The gun issue concerning me right now is this - the Texas Tech Polo Club is raising money by raffling off a 12-gauge shotgun. According to the entry on Tech Announce, this is no ordinary gun, but one featuring: "refined, floral and scroll engraved decoration that will make this shotgun a source of pride for years to come."

You got it "a source of pride for years to come." Here's a question for all you ladies out there: At what point during a date is it appropriate for a guy to take you back to his place to show you his elegantly crafted shotgun? I imagine the dialogue would go something like this -

Man: Check out the refined floral engravings on this sucker. You're a chick, you like flowers right?

Woman: Um, yeah it's cool, I guess.

Man: (Becoming upset.) This gun's my pride and joy. I want to shoot something with it so bad, but I'm afraid I'll damage the pretty engravings. (Pets the gun.)

Woman: (Faint sound of pant-wetting)

So maybe, Tech Polo Club members, raffling off a gun is not the best way to raise to show your devotion to Ralph Lauren. Thanks for perpetuating the gun-crazy Texan stereotype. You're doing enough damage to the image of West Texas by riding around on horses all the time, I would think the least you could do would be to not raffle off a 12-gauge like it's a Christmas ham.

Listen, Lubbock is already looking pretty bad this week without a college club gun lottery. I know part of this is The Daily Toreador's fault for running that story about Prairie Dog Town on the front page of the paper the other day. I'm sure everyone would have been just as happy not knowing a field full of mutant gerbils is Lubbock's fifth most-popular tourist attraction.

This statistic becomes even more disturbing when you take into account what the top four attractions in Lubbock are:

1. The Buddy Holly Museum

2. The future possible site of a George W. Bush-related library type-thing, maybe

3. Guinea Pig Commune

4. Your mom's house (tie)

4. Aw, snap. I totally said your mom's house. (tie)

So Lubbock's looking less and less classy, mostly thanks to weird student organizations no one cares about like the Tech Polo Club and The DT. What do you say all us little clubs call a truce to stop making Lubbock look like it's probably the place where people in New Mexico move to legally marry their first cousins?

The Tech Polo Club should raffle off turkeys or something equally less bullet-y, and The DT will stop running stories on Lubbockites' love of rodent-themed fantasy villages and go back to being the liberal rag students tear the crossword puzzle out of and then throw on the floor.

I'm sorry. No, really, I am. How sad that a person like that lives anywhere, worse yet, Texas.

Well niner, I hate to admit it, but UT also has its fair share...dare I say it...more than its fair share. I hear tell that "other" school in Bryan does too :o. But justice be served, I bet he has a good future flipping burgers and spending all his savings at Starbucks while tweaking his fine goatee :D.

Where can I buy a ticket??

I didn't want to promote a raffle in a thread so I'll send a PM y'all who are interested. And I hope I don't get in trouble :D

What you really need to be asking yourself is: "what the **** is tech polo?"

What you really need to be asking yourself is: "what the **** is tech polo?"

What? You don't think us rednecks can ride a horse and whack a little ball around?

http://www.orgs.ttu.edu/techpoloclub/party.htm

Just how redneck can a college boy be? Honestly...


all in fun... I've spent my share in college...

Wonder who the moron was that let him fire a gun in the first place. And who taught this moron manners. Does he go to his girlfriends house and try on her nighty and then decide to keep it from being seen go out on the stoop to see if anyone will notice.

This guy has more problems than he will ever know. I would not want him near my kids.

Wow, he is totally qualified to talk about guns, I mean, you MUST be an expert if you can accidentialy shoot off a 22. And really, who would be so foolish as to have different tastes and interests than him. Silly libs

Hehe, I'm glad all us Texans aint quite like ya. Semper Fi

Just how redneck can a college boy be? Honestly...

haha, come to SFA and take a stroll with me through the forestry building and i'll show you!

How enlightened and sophisticated that author is! Gee, I wish I could be a stud like him - all advanced and evolved beyond my cowboyesque fascination with guns. I wish I could be such a man's man and get beyond my need to prove what a big tough guy I am by playing with such a caveman-like tool favored by the uneducated lower class slobs like me.

Sounds like that boob needs a college course in triggernometry!

I liked his column. He hasn't got much common sense when it comes to firearms, but at least he watches enough TV to know not to point a gun at anyone or anything he doesn't want to kill/destroy. He must really hate lawns though.
Let's face it, he doesn't understand people who enjoy shooting sports and it seems that most of the responders here don't understand him. This is America after all and he is entitled to his opinion just as we all are. No one has to like it, and we each have the luxury of agreeing to disagree.

You're right Kart29. First thing I would do with that kid is teach him the basics of firearm safety. Teach him to shoot and see if he learns to enjoy it. Educate him so he has the basic skills and knowledge and then see what happens.

Heck, my wifes old high school FFA still raffles off a shotgun or rifle once a year at homecoming!

This story just has to be a hoax. How likely is it that 1. A Texan can't shoot; 2. A college newspaper wonk doesn't smoke dope; AND 3. Piper went to school.

Just kidding, just kidding. ;-)

Bobby Knight needs to sit this kid down for an education...

Well, maybe not on guns since he's got some bad experience in that regard.

I think the guy was first in line for "Brokeback Mountain" if ya know what I mean.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, I took a Mod 28 to speech class at Brazosport College. Nobody even got excited, but the professor did say it wasn't advisable to make a practice of it! :D

Now, I live about 25 miles from the Wallie World in Nacogdoches (isn't that how everyone measures distance?) and I can assure you there are some at SFA just like the bozo that wrote the article. You know, the kind that eats toadfood and bean sprouts and drinks soy milk!

Didn't John Wayne beat a guy up for being from Nacodoches?

What a maroon as bugs once said. I took my then girlfriend hunting deer on our first date. Weve been married longer than I can think and her shotgun is an excuisitely engraved red lable and she can shoot. We also have folks like that here in Oregon, but mostly they came from California. Mabey he should try there.

What a maroon as bugs once said.
I assume you mean bugs as in Bugs Bunny ??

Is "Niner" in any way connected to the S.F.49ers? :confused:

no

That would explain a lot. Regardless, maybe you should go back in the closet and cry for awhile longer, say, maybe 45 YEARS instead of 45 minutes.

I didn't write the article

Tell ya what, enter the raffle, and if you win, I'll trade ya the complete set of Sex in the City videos or DVDs, your choice, S & H free. Neither my wife nor my girl friend will mind. :cool:

The raffle ended when finals ended which was a couple weeks ago.

Well played Niner

To Niner, in particular, and to all other forum members here: please accept my apologies for my post regarding this topic. It was rude and disrespectful towards Niner, and uncalled for. Niner, you did, indeed, "play it well" with a lot more class than I showed. As sometimes happens when I don't think before I speak, my alligator mouth overloads my canary butt, and I end up talking out of the wrong end. I was wrong. Period. I hope that you all won't hold this against me. I promise to try and bring enlightenment to this forum, and a little humor, too, but I will not intentionally disrespect any one here. I wish you all a safe and happy New Year. Again, my apologies. Peace and God bless, Wolfsong.

Hope that person does'nt move up here and try to go to school. He would be seeing the doctor too often as he get his *** kicked every other day.Still a few rednecks left up here.