A story I can relate to.... My Wife Is Deaf
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A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she  never hears me the first time and I always have to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "Go home and tonight stand about 15 feet  from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5  feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea
about the severity of her deafness".

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He  starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping  some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no  response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He  moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right  behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for
dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

An old woman went to the doctor.  She complained that she was having terrible flatulence, but they were silent and did not smell.  She told the doctor,  "Why I've been breaking wind the whole time I've been in here, but you didn't hear or smell a thing, did you?"  The doctor gave her some pills and said to come back next week.
   
The following week the old lady came in, fit to be tied. She told the doctor, "My 'problem' still doesn't smell, but now you can hear them all the way down the hall.  What was that terrible medicine you gave me?

The doctory replied, "Well, now that we have your hearing problem cleared up, we'll get to work on your smelling problem."

Big Bore,

A related medical story:

A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical.  few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

When the old man had an appointment with the doctor again, the doc said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
 
The man replied, "Just doing what you said, doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."

The doctor said, "No!, I didn't say that. I said you got a HEART MURMUR -  BE CAREFUL!"