Big Bore
03-27-2001, 05:13 PM
HOW TO AVOID BEING SHOT BY POLICE
1. DON'T COMMIT VIOLENT CRIMES. It seems elementary,
but this rule is lost on many. They do the crime, get shot,
and then wonder how it could possibly happen. They whine
that it is so unfair. Well, Slick, violent crime, like jumping in front of moving cars, is just a high-risk occupation, and, in case you missed it, committing violent crime makes police officers think you might not be a good person.
2. If you ignore rule No. 1, and the police confront you,
DON'T RUN AWAY FROM THEM. I know it's hard to believe,
but that may make them think you're guilty of something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some cops (mostly older ones) very nervous. They might even foolishly conclude that you're up to no good!
3. If you disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up
with you anyway and inform you that you are under arrest,
DON'T MAKE FAST MOVEMENTS WITH YOUR HANDS. I know it sounds silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can, a dark-colored wallet, or one of those snazzy and real-looking replica guns may make police officers mistakenly believe that you are about to hurt them.
4. If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get
what looks like a deadly weapon into your hands, DON'T
POINT IT AT THE COPS. We all know that you're basically
a nice person, but that may be lost on the police officers
confronting you. In their paranoia, they may even believe
they need to protect themselves.
5. If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3, and 4, DON'T BE
ASTONISHED IF THE COPS DO NOT INSTANTLY TURN INTO
YOUR PERSONAL CONFIDANTE. They may be too
preoccupied to realize that you're normally a splendid
person and that you're just having a bad day. They may be too preoccupied to see that when you point a weapon at them in a threatening manner, it is just your way of crying out for help. We both know that the whole problem can be traced
to the fact that your mother didn't breast feed you, but
some police officers are so cynical they just don't see it.
So, there you have it. If you really apply yourself and obey
even some of the rules listed above, I bet you'll avoid the
vast majority of police gunfire."
1. DON'T COMMIT VIOLENT CRIMES. It seems elementary,
but this rule is lost on many. They do the crime, get shot,
and then wonder how it could possibly happen. They whine
that it is so unfair. Well, Slick, violent crime, like jumping in front of moving cars, is just a high-risk occupation, and, in case you missed it, committing violent crime makes police officers think you might not be a good person.
2. If you ignore rule No. 1, and the police confront you,
DON'T RUN AWAY FROM THEM. I know it's hard to believe,
but that may make them think you're guilty of something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some cops (mostly older ones) very nervous. They might even foolishly conclude that you're up to no good!
3. If you disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up
with you anyway and inform you that you are under arrest,
DON'T MAKE FAST MOVEMENTS WITH YOUR HANDS. I know it sounds silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can, a dark-colored wallet, or one of those snazzy and real-looking replica guns may make police officers mistakenly believe that you are about to hurt them.
4. If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get
what looks like a deadly weapon into your hands, DON'T
POINT IT AT THE COPS. We all know that you're basically
a nice person, but that may be lost on the police officers
confronting you. In their paranoia, they may even believe
they need to protect themselves.
5. If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3, and 4, DON'T BE
ASTONISHED IF THE COPS DO NOT INSTANTLY TURN INTO
YOUR PERSONAL CONFIDANTE. They may be too
preoccupied to realize that you're normally a splendid
person and that you're just having a bad day. They may be too preoccupied to see that when you point a weapon at them in a threatening manner, it is just your way of crying out for help. We both know that the whole problem can be traced
to the fact that your mother didn't breast feed you, but
some police officers are so cynical they just don't see it.
So, there you have it. If you really apply yourself and obey
even some of the rules listed above, I bet you'll avoid the
vast majority of police gunfire."