mcassill
07-18-2001, 04:01 PM
Attention Visitors
Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin: This list of rules will
be handed to each person as they enter the state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work
before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym.
How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got
your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I
have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or
get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your 軸 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish
for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You
might hope you don't have it up To your ear at the
time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport.
9. The Hawkeye's and the Cyclones are as important
here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight
more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass
with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar
combines that we use two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight
in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish-carp, too-and turtle. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the
bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 80 goes two
ways-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant
season. It's a religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the first of November. You can get
breakfast at the church.
18. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept?
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. No, we can't shoot the doves. They're song
birds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that
one.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.
Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin: This list of rules will
be handed to each person as they enter the state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work
before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym.
How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got
your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I
have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or
get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your 軸 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish
for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You
might hope you don't have it up To your ear at the
time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport.
9. The Hawkeye's and the Cyclones are as important
here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight
more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass
with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar
combines that we use two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight
in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish-carp, too-and turtle. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the
bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 80 goes two
ways-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant
season. It's a religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the first of November. You can get
breakfast at the church.
18. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept?
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. No, we can't shoot the doves. They're song
birds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that
one.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.