arkypete
09-09-2006, 04:22 PM
Subject: Redneck church
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the finance committee
> refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none
> of the members knows how to play one.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if .... people ask, when they
> learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
> catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says,
> "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and
> two women stand up.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer
> season is recognized as an official church holiday.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church
> requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't
> never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as
> the "OK Chorale".
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of
> 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to
> as "branding".
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... high notes on the
> organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture"
> is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is
> a ..2 galvanized washtub.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the choir robes were
> donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the collection plates
> are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell, you
> are called to service by a duck call.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the minister and his
> wife drive matching pickup trucks.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the communion wine is
> Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet"
> applies to hunting dogs, too.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the final words of the
> benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the finance committee
> refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none
> of the members knows how to play one.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if .... people ask, when they
> learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
> catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says,
> "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and
> two women stand up.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer
> season is recognized as an official church holiday.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church
> requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't
> never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as
> the "OK Chorale".
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of
> 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to
> as "branding".
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... high notes on the
> organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture"
> is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is
> a ..2 galvanized washtub.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the choir robes were
> donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the collection plates
> are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell, you
> are called to service by a duck call.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the minister and his
> wife drive matching pickup trucks.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the communion wine is
> Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet"
> applies to hunting dogs, too.
>
> You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the final words of the
> benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"