'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer,
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle.
He played a guitar, but was best on a fiddle.
His socks were hung by the chimney with care,
Causing such a foul stench, poisoning the air.

A rattle was heard, like a coon in the attic.
It got louder and longer, made Bubba swaller his 'baccy.

Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
Dale was 12, Raymond was 11, Mark going' on 10 and Chris was just 7.
Jerry, Charles and Ernie were 5, 4 and 3:
The twins were both girls, so they just let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt, threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns and they grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hesh up ya'll! The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw!"
See, Maw was expecting and needed her sleep, so they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, stared and then spit. The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba was speechless. He could say not a word. This was just like all Grandpa's stories he'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, durn tootin', but the boys didn't know, they were ready to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake, one more second and Christmas dinner would've been venison steak!

Bubba hollered out, "Don't shoot boys!
That's just ole' Santy Claus and he's brung us some toys!"

The dogs were a'barkin' and raisin' some cain, so Bubba whistled and shouted and called them by name.
"Down, Skittles! Shut up Bullet! Quiet Dixie and Trix! Git, Little Bit, Rings, Patches and Sticks!"

"Git down from that porch! Git down off 'a that wall! Quit shakin' the trailer, you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a'barkin' and wouldn't shut up, they trampled poor Shorty who was still just a pup.

Santy opened his bag, and threw out some toys. Bubba got most, but left some for the boys.
Santy jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry. The trailer started to wobble, and Santy began to worry.

Could he dodge all the wires and the old satellite dishes? Would the runners get clogged from the strewn bones of catfishes?
Just as the reindeer got into the air, the trailer collapsed but Bubba didn't care.

He was busy lookin' at all his new toys. Then a thought hit and he said to the boys.
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's all right. That roof in its fallin' could a-hurt just a mite."

But Maw was OK, and the twin girls were too. They fixed up the trailer and it looked good as new.
As for Bubba, he sure liked good 'ole Saint Nick. But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-dee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the rest did too!
Now all those rednecks wish a
Yee Haw Merry Christmas to you!


(Printed in our local paper!)

Sounds like an 1894 Christmas, doesn't it, Lee? :p :D

Sounds like an 1894 Christmas, doesn't it, Lee? :p :D

Could Be!!!!!:p:D:D

'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer
the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler.
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys
and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.

The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives.
My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.

When out in the yard the dog started barkin',
I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin.
He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws
and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."

I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus,
and you ain't taking me in without probable cause."
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like?"

The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly,
that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.
He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry."
I said, "Sheriff that sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."

"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said.
"The man I'm describing in dressed all in red.
I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean.
Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen."

Well I started to lie then I thought what the ****,
it wouldn't have been the first time that I've spent New Years in jail.
I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten,
and I thought that my wife had been drinking again."

When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost.
I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's.
But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head,
and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.

Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder,
a freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun,
when outta Red's chimney this feller did run.

And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'.
I thought he stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'.
So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!"
But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.

So I popped a warning shot over his head.
Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled.
And as he flew off I heard him extort,
"That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."

That sounds like some of my ken folks yall er talkin bout.

thats kin folk...